


Do You Wanna Fuck a Snowman?

by mrgoldsdearie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Once Upon a Time Fusion, Comedy, F/M, Rumbelle - Freeform, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:39:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrgoldsdearie/pseuds/mrgoldsdearie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Belle and Rumple drink a potion that turns them into snow people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do You Wanna Fuck a Snowman?

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know what the fuck this shit is, but you’re welcome fandom. This is in no way a serious work of writing, it’s just some silly thing, that I hope you find amusing. I know this fandom needs a laugh right now, some of you are down about the direction rumbelle is headed in the show.

"Belle!" Rumple calls his wife, as he rushes into the living room of their pink Victorian style manor. "Belle, I think I got it," he speaks with excitement, holding a small bottle filled with a murky liquid.   
  
"You think you have what?" Belle sits her book down and looks up to her husband.  
  
"The right potion, my dear." He sits next to her, taking her hand in his. "The potion that will give you eternal life."   
  
"Rumple." She looks dotingly in his deep chocolate eyes. "I’ve said hundreds of time that I didn’t want you making that potion. I’m happy to spend the life I have with you."   
  
"I don’t know what I’ll do if I ever lost you. My life would be over, once yours ended." He clutches the bottle tightly. "Would you try it, dearie? For me?"  
  
"Rumple, how do you even know it’s going to work?"  
  
"It will, I know it will."   
  
"Remember what happened the last time?"   
  
Rumple rolls his eyes and sits the bottle down on the coffee table. “Why must you bring up ancient history? I turned you back to yourself, didn’t I?” The Dark One is quite offended.   
  
"After I spent hours flying around the house as a dove."   
  
"Well, you see that’s the problem. You were flying around everywhere and I couldn’t catch you."  
  
Belle gasps with shock. “So, so now it’s my fault?”   
  
"Yes, my love. If you weren’t doing that, I could have turned you back sooner," he argues.   
  
"Now I’m definitely not going to try your little potion," Belle snaps and picks up her book, ignoring her husband.   
  
"Belle don’t do this to me, you know I hate it."  
  
She turns away from him.   
  
"Belle?"

She turns the page in her book.   
  
"Belle?" He places his hand on her shoulder and she scoots away from him.

Rumple takes a moment to think. He really wants Belle to try this new potion, but he knows that she won’t unless he apologies. And he doesn’t want to confess it was his fault, that it took so long to turn her back from a bird. He sits in the couch and pouts for a moment, then sucks up his pride and apologizes to his love.   
  
"Belle, sweetheart, it was my fault."   
  
"What was your fault?" She closes the book.   
  
"It was my fault that you got turned into a bird."  
  
"Yes, Rumple. We both know that was your fault. What else was?" She isn’t going to give up, unless he says it.   
  
"I’m sorry that it took so long to turn you back," he sighs with a flat tone in his voice. "It was my fault, sweetheart, and now I admit it."   
  
She turns to face him. “Was that so hard?”   
  
"No, it really wasn’t."  
  
"Good." She kisses his cheek.   
  
He smiles lovingly at her and caresses her cheek in the palm of his hand. “Will you try it now?” He picks up the bottle of foggy liquid. “If anything happens, I promise I’ll fix it.”   
  
"Alright, Rumple. I trust you." She takes the bottle from him.   
  
"Thank you, sweetheart." He lightly squeezes her hand.   
  
Belle raises the bottle to her lips and takes a deep breath before taking a drink.   
  
Rumple takes the remainder of the potion from her and stares at her, needing to hear what she has to say. “Well?…”   
  
"That stuff is disgusting." She wipes her mouth.   
  
"Ugh! Belle?" he growls. "Do you feel any different?"   
  
"No. Should I?"   
  
"I don’t know." He sniffs the potion in the bottle. "Maybe you’re supposed to feel a change, or maybe you’re not."   
  
"Well that’s a lot of help." Belle reopens her book.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"I’m reading. What does it look like?"   
  
"You’re just going to sit there and read?"  
  
"What am I suppose to do? That stuff is obviously a dud."  
  
"Ugh," he growls and hops up from the couch, storming out into the hall, then quickly turns to her. "If you weren’t my wife…" His eyes nearly pop out of his head, shocked to see Belle has transformed in just the second he turned from her. "Belle!" he shrieks.   
  
"What?" She drops her book.   
  
"Are you alright, sweetheart?" He rushes to her side.   
  
"I’m just fine, Rumple. What’s wrong with you?"  
  
His skin has turned pale, staring at Belle with horror in his eyes.   
  
"Why are you looking at me like that?" she shrills and stands from the couch.   
  
Rumple backs away from her. “B-b-belle?” he stutters.   
  
"What the hell is wrong with you, Rumple," she blurts out.   
  
"Y-y-you’re melting, dearie."  
  
"I hate it when you get all cryptic and don’t tell what’s going on."  
  
"Snow woman," he timidly speaks.   
  
"What!"  
  
"You’re a snow woman, my love."   
  
Belle looks down at her hands and she doesn’t have hands anymore. Her arms have transformed into long skinny twigs. “Oh shit!” She wiggles the tree branches she has as fingers on each twig.   
  
"Now, sweetheart, don’t be upset."   
  
"Don’t be upset? Don’t be upset?" she yells. "I’m a goddamn snowman."  
  
"Snow woman." He corrects her.   
  
"How dare you correct me."  
  
"Please calm down. You’re melting all over the place."   
  
"Change me back right now."  
  
"I can’t."  
  
"And why not?" She gawks at her husband with her big black charcoal eyes.   
  
"The potion has the run its course through your system. You didn’t take much and it should pass soon."  
  
"I have to stay like this?"  
  
"Just for now, sweetheart." He kisses her carrot nose.   
  
"I’m so pissed at you right now."  
  
"I’m so sorry, Belle." He places his hand on her cold cheek. "I need to keep you from melting." With a flourish of his hand, it begins to snow in their living room.   
  
"This is a disaster."  
  
"I know, but you won’t be like this for long, I promise." He looks down at the bottle of potion in his hand, then back up to his wife. "You don’t have to go through this alone." He takes a sip of the potion.   
  
"No, Rumple." She’s too late to stop him. "Why the hell did you do that?"  
  
Rumple drops the bottle on the floor. “I couldn’t stand seeing you like this and going through it alone. This is my fault and I should go through it with you.”  
  
"Oh, Rumple," she sighs and places her twig hand on the side of his cheek.   
  
"Can you feel my skin?" He rests his hand over hers.   
  
"Yes, I can feel you. I still feel the same, I just look different, I guess." Rumple changes before her eyes and she jumps back in shock. "You’re a snowman."   
  
"Yes, I know, my love." He leans into her and presses his frosty lips against hers.   
  
"This feels strange," she speaks upon his lips.   
  
"Is that a good thing?"  
  
"I don’t know. I just never thought this would happen to us." She takes his twig hand. "What are we going to do now?"  
  
"Well, this is something that’s only going to happen once."  
  
"Yes it is," she quickly agrees.   
  
"I think we should make the most of it and have a little fun."  
  
"How can we turn this disaster into something fun?"  
  
"I know a way we can pass the time." He wraps his branches around her voluptuous snow body. "You’re still beautiful to me, Belle." He kisses her dearly.   
  
"Mmm," she hums, slipping her icy tongue into his mouth. "Wait." She quickly breaks the kiss. "What are we doing?"  
  
"We were passing the time, sweetheart."  
  
"You want to have sex?"  
  
"Why not? Aren’t you curious to know what it feels like?"   
  
"Well, I wasn’t." Her eyes scale down his body. "You don’t even have a…"   
  
"Have a what?"  
  
"Sweetie, how are we going to have sex, without the right tools?"  
  
"Oh," he chuckles. "We can make me one."   
  
"What?"   
  
"It’s snowing in our living room, dearie. There’s plenty of snow to make a cock."   
  
"This is too fucking weird, Rumple."  
  
He laughs as he scrapes up snow from the coffee table and forms it into a ball, then shapes it into a shaft. “See, dearie.” He flashes the frozen dick in her face.   
  
Belle stares at it unimpressed. “If you’re going to do it, at least do it right. That thing is smaller than yours.” She collects snow from the table and shapes it into the form of a prick.   
  
"Yours is bigger than my real one." Rumple is astounded by the size of the cock she made. "Belle, you wish I was bigger?"  
  
"No, I don’t wish you were bigger. I thought since we’re going to do this, why not embrace the fantasy."   
  
"Alright." He makes a set of balls and attach them to the cock.   
  
"Here." She carefully attaches his newly molded dick where his real one should be. "Can you feel it?"   
  
"Yes, I can." Rumple, somehow, feels more complete.   
  
"Good." She wraps her hand around his shaft and strokes him.   
  
"Oh, Belle," he growls. If his coal eyes had irises, they’d be rolling back in pleasure.   
  
"You like that, my little snow cone?"  
  
"Oh… Yes… Belle." His twig hands caresses where her breast should be.   
  
She leans into her husband and kisses him passionately, backing him against the wall.   
  
"I need to be inside you, Belle." He backs her to the couch and turns her around, bending her over the couch. He kisses down her frozen back, licking her snow like an ice cream cone.   
  
"Rumple," she murmurs.   
  
He wants her so bad. Her sensuous snow body is driving him mad. He needs to feel his cold hard dick inside her. But how? She doesn’t have a hole. He snaps his twig fingers and a hole appears behind her, where her ass would be, and he dips his finger inside.   
  
"Ahh," she moans.   
  
"Can you feel that, dearie?" his voice is low and thick with pleasure. He moves his finger inside her.   
  
"Ah… Gods… Yes," she heavily breathes.   
  
"Good." He plunges his long, hard, frosty cock inside her.   
  
"Oh, fuck!" she whimpers and grabs hold of one of the pillows from the couch. He’s a lot bigger than she thought and she’s feeling every inch of him.   
  
She’s so warm and wet inside, he wasn’t expecting that. “Ah… Ah.” He thrusts inside her, strong.   
  
Belle grips the pillow as tight as her twig hands will allow her. Rumple’s dick is so big it stretches her out. She moans with a mix of pleasure and pain.   
  
Rumple’s hands fall to, what he thinks, is her hips and moves her against him faster, plunging in and out of her with desire.   
  
With the friction of his cock and the warmth inside her, his snow molded dick begins to melt.   
  
"Ahh… Ooh, Belle… I think it’s melting."   
  
"Ah, ah… Don’t stop, don’t stop, Rumple."   
  
Rumple doesn’t want to stop, but he can feel the inches melting off his member. He needs to do something and do something fast. He looks down at his wife, as she moans in ecstasy, and notices her carrot nose. He quickly removes his and replaces his snow dick with the carrot nose.   
  
Belle instantly notices the difference. “What happened?”  
  
With a swift snap of his twig fingers, his new carrot cock grows longer and thicker. And he continues fucking his wife.   
  
"Ooh… Gods!…" Belle bites down on the pillow. This is the kinkiest thing that they’ve ever done and she’s enjoying every moment of it. Suddenly, Belle’s body starts to change and she’s back to her gorgeous self once again.   
  
"Belle!" Rumple caresses her flesh with his branches and fucks her deeper with the carrot.   
  
She sits up and lays her warm naked body against his cold snow skin. She reaches back, wrapping her hands around, what should be, his neck and digs her fingers into his snow.   
  
He nibbles on her neck and gently pushes her back down on the couch.

  
Snow falls and melts on her back.   
  
Rumple reaches around her and carefully massages her pearl with stubby twig fingers.   
  
"Ooh… Shit!" Her body trembles, as her orgasm approaches.   
  
Rumple needs to come, but he doesn’t know if he can, his dick is a carrot. All of the sudden, he transforms back into his short sexy self. Just in time to fill his wife with his seed. His fingers glide inside her dripping cunt and he loves the way she feels. He removes his fingers and brings them to his lips, tasting her essence. It’s his favorite part or her.    
  
"Ah… Ahh…" She whimpers, as her orgasm rushes across her body and she comes hard, harder than she has in a long time.   
  
Rumple watches the tremble of his love’s pleasure, as he lets himself go, coming inside her strong. “Fuck, Belle!” he grunts, as his body tingles with orgasm. He fills Belle up with all that he has, then collapses on top of her, breathing heavily on her back.   
  
The warm juices of their passion drip down Belle’s legs and onto the snow covered floor. The cold breeze of the winter storm carries the scent of their sex through the living room. They lay still for a moment catching their breath and the chill from the room doesn’t bother them.   
  
"Rumple?" Belle gains the strength to speak.   
  
"Yes, my love?" He picks himself off of her.   
  
"That was incredible."  
  
"Yes, it was," he agrees.   
  
She stands and turns to him, wrapping her arms around him to keep him warm.   
  
He caresses her soft breasts and kisses them, gently sucking on her nipple. “These were the only things I missed,” he speaks upon her shivering skin.   
  
"Can you make the snow stop? I’m getting cold now."  
  
"Yes, my dear." He waves his hand and the snow storm in their living room disappears. The space looks like the snow never happened. Rumple takes Belle’s hand and leads her around the couch.   
  
They sit together in each other’s arms.   
  
"Would you ever do that again?" Rumple asks.   
  
"The snowman thing?"  
  
He nods.   
  
"Surprisingly, yes. That was the most exotic sex we’ve ever had."  
  
"I’m glad to hear that sweetheart." With a twitch of his hand, the potion bottle on the floor floats to his hand. "Because there’s still a little more."  
  
She takes the bottle from him and drinks more of the potion. “Let’s go to the bedroom.” She kisses his lips, slipping her tongue into his mouth, scaling it across his uneven teeth.   
  
"Oh, Belle," he speaks breathy and drinks the remainder of the potion.   
  
"Last one to the bedroom has to mold your cock from snow." Belle jumps up from the couch and rushes upstairs.   
  
Rumple chuckles and watches her run, then he snaps his fingers, disappearing in a cloud of purple smoke, beating her to the room. 


End file.
